What Teresa Does Next

Now we know why The Great Mariano will continue to be Spanish prime minister (president) for life. Apart from the fact that the other lots can't muster enough citizen interest to eject him from office once and for all, there is also the absence of a "natural successor". The illusionist premier informed the FT that there isn't one. Moreover, with his work only half done (his words), it is no bad thing, he opined, that there isn't a natural successor. On and on and on he will therefore go. Forever.

But if there is no natural successor, might there be an unnatural one? Who knows what mysterious sorts lurk within the unexplored reaches of PP-land, ready at any moment to unnaturally leash their force and succeed Mariano. There again, succession does not come at all naturally to the PP. They have little success in deciding upon succession. Just ask the local Balearic mob. With Matty Isern now an ex-politician, the number one spot on the election list was up for grabs. So many names, so many unacceptable to the various warring factions. Finally, it required High Command in Madrid to decide for them.

Teresa Palmer, who sounds as though she should be reporting to Dave and not Mazza but who isn't British or a member of the Conservative Party, is the new number one. The decision made and suddenly Balearic security was threatened. Teresa, it constantly needs explaining, was the national government's delegate to the islands, meaning that she was the one with the finger on the Balearic nuclear button. Elevated to top Congress candidate, and the Balearic Islands were suddenly defenceless. Not that anyone really noticed. As sweet and friendly Francina observed: "I don't know what she has done for the autonomous community." Now, though, she has a further chance to do nothing for said community (better known as the Balearics) by being a deputy in Congress.

With the PP in full-on candidate crisis mode, The Great Mariano materialised on the island with which he is so familiar that he once referred to it as the island of Palma (with or without de Mallorca). Had he descended in order to resolve the crisis? Not at all. He wasn't losing any sleep over it. For once, the citizens of the islands were in full agreement with their persecutor (a description according to Francina and her government, one should point out).

Meanwhile, Teresa, confident of securing a further nice little earner courtesy of the party, insisted that everyone was rowing in the same direction, without defining which direction this was or which type of boat they were rowing in. She knows where she is rowing, and it is off to Madrid, albeit she'll require more than a rowing boat to get there.

It was not only the PP who had been plunged into candidate list conflict. The Mésite sect was reacting with less than total satisfaction to the arrangements under the electoral pact of Units Podem Més, which should be renamed You-Nits Podemés. The Verger (Antoni, that is) was resurrected from his failure as the Mésite lead candidate in the December election and was immediately clashing, in true Mr. Yeatman fashion, with the Corporal Joneses of the Balearic Podemos Citizens' Army. "Unfair and disagreeable" were just two adjectives that the Verger chose to describe the third-on-the-list candidate carve-up of Podemés. He will be that third on the list, but will have to forego his Congress salary after two years and allow a Podemos sort to take over.

One could have foreseen the so-called pact of You-Nits Podemés ending in tears, but not quite as rapidly as it has. In addition to the Verger, the chief Mésite in Menorca, Nel Martí, branded Alberto Jarabo of Podemos a "liar". Units, one should explain, means united. Or not, as the case may be.

As if this wasn't bad enough, another lot appeared on the scene who threaten to undermine the Mésite claims on Balearic nationalism (or independence or whatever). These are Sobirania per les Illes (sovereignty for the islands), led by one of those glosador types, Mateu Matas aka Xuri. Splitting the vote? Francina and PSOE can only hope that they will.