Sunday, January 10, 2016

Kings, Queens And Gifts From Arizona

We saw three kings come sailing in on Epiphany Eve in the evening, having previously seen - were we in Palma - six royal pages come driving in on vintage American automobiles around midday. Such absence of strict tradition stretched to there being a royal pagess. How can there be a female page, some enquired. Ah, replied the sage ones, these are the days of diversity and equality, matched only by consensus and dialogue. There should have been six pagesses, therefore, plus three queens.

Or was there a queen? Hidden behind the beards, could we be sure that the kings weren't a front or a metaphor for one of the threesomes abroad in the land? Francina, Biel and Alberto, the one queen and two kings of the PM(P) Balearic government.

But if not a diverse and equal opportunities regal triad, then maybe they had been Pedro, Mariano and Albert, the ménage à trois that dares to make its tryst in Madrid, leaving Pablo the jilted lover weeping inconsolably. Alas no, because it turned out that the kings were Utz, Robert and Maheta, of whom the hirsute former might well make a passable Melchior. Possibly he might like to apply for the job next year, leading one to wonder. How do you actually become a king? Is it put out to public tender? Or is there an association of kings with an affiliate organisation for pages? There is for everything else in Mallorca, so it would come as no surprise if there were. Anyway, if anyone knows or has known a king, perhaps you can let me know how you get the gig. Not, I stress, that I'm looking to be one. Certainly not if it entails coming into port when the waves are up to three metres. It wouldn't be just showers of sweets raining down on the kiddies' heads, trust me.

Bearing a gift of some twenty-one million euros worth of frankincense, Caspar (Robert) put further joy on small faces by announcing that an NBA model will be winging its way across from Phoenix. And what does this mean? Will Real Mallorca be playing basketball instead? It would certainly be different but might not escape the attention of referees, poised ready to brandish yellow cards for deliberate hand ball. Otherwise, one assumes that Real Mallorca will, in following such a model, now pick players from a draft system and insist upon a salary cap and no promotion and relegation in Spanish soccer. Or perhaps not.

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