The Podemos New Model Army

Now, here's a troubling thought. While SFA - Sweet and Friendly (Frankie) Armengol - and the BB vice-presidential tourism chappie were off in London selling sausage to a nation which prefers its sausage to be without bits and between two slices of bread with either red or brown sauce, who was actually in charge? With the dear leaders absent, might it have been the moment for a coup? As they can have coups in Manacor by ousting incumbent mayors and others while everyone's in town, then they can surely do so - and with greater ease - while the cats are away and having their photos taken with a bemused Wiggo.

One problem with staging a coup is that the official opposition, as in the Partido Popular, is minus a leader, having staged a coup of its own. Which leaves, therefore, the unofficial opposition, i.e. Podemos. And blow me, who have they gone and made number two on their list of candidates for Congress in Zaragoza? None other than Spain's former defence chief of staff. This might not signal the imminence of a coup if and when the Church of Iglesias excommunicates Rajoy, but it's a bit of a coup to have secured the support and services of a genuine, old military buffer and to have planted him in the Iglesias pews.

Depending on results on 20-D (you must, as is traditional in Spain, refer to things like elections in this abbreviated form), it could be that General José Julio Rodríguez becomes defence minister. That'll be a wheeze. Put defence issues out to the vote of the Podemos citizens' councils. Invade Gibraltar, yes or no? The Gen, however, has incurred the wrath of governmental high command. The dancing queen, vice-premier María Soraya Sáenz de Santamaría Antón Etc., informs us that the Gen is to suffer his own excommunication: to be slung out of the military. He is currently in the reserves, on stand-by just in case the British decide to seek to regain Menorca some two hundred years or more after they last had control. Vice-Premier Etc. says that he has to go on account of a loss of confidence in him. Military sorts must, under law, display political neutrality. There has, in the past, been the odd issue with the military getting involved with politics: coups, dictatorships and what have you. The Gen's said he's going to retire anyway.

Meanwhile, back in Mallorca, military strategy could have assisted in the toppling of the government whilst most of it was in London. Sweet FA and BB would have returned to find that Xe-Lo had sold off the entire collection of artworks in the Balearic parliament, handed the dough to the soup kitchens and converted the parliamentary chamber itself into luxury accommodation for Syrian refugees. (Where, by the way, are the refugees? Everyone seems to have forgotten about them.) In addition, a decree would have been issued whereby the tourist tax is to be increased by 1000%, the revenue from which will go to the transformation of Magalluf. A very different changing of face. Razing it to the ground and returning the whole area to the virgin state it was in the 1950s. There's a branding idea for you: Magalluf Beach Resort Ground Zero. Better than a wave machine, any day of the season.