Spanish Citizenship Test For The British

The Spanish Government is liaising with education experts to finalise a standardised language test that anyone wishing to become a Spanish citizen would have to undergo. Meanwhile, the new test for those who wish to become British citizens has now come into force. I have just taken a practice test, one that a prospective British citizen can try out to see if he or she is ready to set the real test. Unfortunately, I can no longer consider myself a British citizen. I failed. 50% right that was all. Did I know the number of children and young people up to the age of 19 in the UK? Did I know the percentage of people in the UK in 2001 who said they were Muslims? Did I know how many days a year a school must be open? No I didn't. So I guessed. Wrongly probably. They don't give you the right answers and I'm not about to waste time looking up the answers on Google.

What a totally pointless exercise. If this is how the real test is, then there are going to be an awful lot of people who fail to become British citizens or succeed purely on the basis of guesswork. What the hell's the number of children and young people up to the age of 19 got to do with anything? The four options were 13, 14, 15 or 16 million. And?

Maybe the test I took wasn't representative. There are other ones you can take. I got full marks in the one in "The Guardian", so I have redeemed my citizenship status. I'm thinking that the other test was designed so that you would fail. It was probably a front for selling something. Whatever.

Spain doesn't have a citizenship test, not one with stupid multiple-choice questions. It may get its language test and that's it. But the Spanish Government might consider combining the two. And making this combination specific to different nationalities. So, any Briton who fancies going well and truly native would have to construct sentences or questions in Spanish, ones of particular relevance to the Briton in Spain. Here, therefore, are some samples that you need to be able to put into Spanish in order to test your chances of becoming a Spanish citizen.

1. I'm about to lose coverage from my Sky satellite. How will I be able to ensure that I can watch Premier League matches next season?

2. I cannot vote in a British general election as I have lived outside of Britain for 15 years. I have no particular wish to vote in a Spanish general election, not that I can, because I am not (yet) a Spanish citizen, but when I do become a Spanish citizen and would be entitled to, who on earth would I vote for as I've never heard of any of them?

3. I want to vote in a British general election and specifically to vote for UKIP. Would there be any potential disadvantages to my currently being a resident in Spain and not needing a permit for anything that might result from UKIP winning a British general election, because I can't think of any? VOTE FARAGE!

4. Why do the Spanish keep going on about getting Gibraltar back? Don't they know that it's British and will always be a part of our great country?

5. It would be so much better if Mourinho were to leave Real Madrid and to go back to Chelsea so that all those top-flight players such as Fernando Torres could once more enjoy success in Europe rather than Spanish club sides.

Once you've put all these into your best Spanish, send them to the ministry for public administration and wait approximately three years (the minimum time it would take to process applications) for your rejection letter to be sent.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.