I Had To Chase The Sun

"Living abroad is a constant strain, because you don't know how the little things work."

This comes from a feature in "The Guardian". It is written by Alistair Fraser about his and his family's experience of moving to France. It has not been a happy time; it could just as easily have been written about Mallorca.

How the little things work. Where does one start? What are little things exactly? Registering at the town hall; registering at the foreign affairs office; getting an NIE number without which nothing much can be done; finding a gestor to help you; registering for a doctor; getting the kids into school; sorting the telephone line out (at least Telefonica have an English helpline); getting an internet account; re-registering the car if it has foreign plates; changing the driving licence; knowing that the car has to have certain things in it ... I could go on. And this all besides the buying or renting of property. How the little things work. or maybe don't. And without the language it can be hard-going.

But of course plenty of people manage to do all this. The little things can be an inconvenience and they may seem daunting, but they're not really, though the forms can make them so. And you have to accumulate so much damn documentation to do anything. Once it's done though ... . Part of the problem, especially for those from Anglo-Saxon regimes, can be that things seem inefficient. Well they are, and some things are deliberately so, or at least that is an opinion held by some. Take the registration for residency. It's a trial by queue, heat (or rain and cold) and time as locally they don't want to make it easy. It's a stupid attitude, if this indeed is the case. People have made the decision to move here. Making the registration process a hassle does not deter immigration, so why not just accept the fact and simplify it.

The little things are the nuisances of everyday living. In themselves, they are not important. What is, is the adaptation to change in lifestyle, culture and language. One has to want to adapt. Fraser refers to the initial move being like an "extended holiday". For some expats, that extended holiday extends indefinitely. Take it from me, living in Mallorca is not one great long holiday, and nor should it be. But from the poolside, the dream of moving here is very different from the reality of actually doing so.

In the past I have spoken about the transience of the local expat population. While there is obvious transience in respect of seasonal workers, it exists also where permanent incomers are concerned. That word - transience - was used the other day by an expat I know well. He said that there seems to be a time limit on much immigration - five, six, seven years perhaps. He and his family want to sell the house and the business and go to England; he's been here seven years. It's not a seven-year itch necessarily. Fraser makes the point that it can take five years to really settle in - or to find that you cannot. The holiday can extend that long maybe.

Five years should not really be necessary though to start understanding some realities. For those who have retired, it is one thing; for those who work it's a different matter. Remember that "bloody country" remark of three days ago; that came from someone who runs a successful bar. The little things can come and hit you any time. You chase the sun and then discover that it isn't all sun or indeed warmth. Here's Fraser again:

"When the weather turned in November, the house turned against us, too. Those features that had kept us cool in the hot summer - the thick walls and flagstones - made it feel like we were living in a fridge."

Once more, this could apply to Mallorca. Even with outside temperatures towards the 20 degree mark, interiors can be cold. Can be? Are. Unless there is very good heating. Those charming stone-walled houses with their stone floors. Freezing. And the same goes for much of the housing stock. And it can be cold in other respects - not much to do, not a lot of work. Relationships can be strained, budgets squeezed, and some seek solace on a bar stool or from powders. And above all else is the language. There comes a point where reliance on those who can speak the native or on professionals gets too much. It takes five, six, seven years to perhaps really speak the language. Or it takes this long to discover that you have never bothered to really try or cannot. Chasing the sun, living the dream, and suddenly the miserable British climate may not seem so bad after all.

*For the article in "The Guardian", go to http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/aug/30/family

Incidentally, the same newspaper ran a competition for readers' travel writing. The winner wrote about the Tramuntana mountains. Here it is - http://www.guardian.co.uk/travel/2008/aug/30/travelwritingcompetition.adventure


PUERTO POLLENSA - WATER OF A DIFFERENT SORT
Water closets this time. Toilets in other words. They've put up some public loos on the seafront. Where before was a desert of privies there is now an oasis of water closetry, in both ports of Alcúdia and Pollensa. Everyone's coming out of the closet; and everyone's going into it. Well, oasis is maybe stretching it. And you really must have had a dodgy curry the night before to dream of using the lavs on Alcúdia's promenade. Which leads to the fuss about the Pollensa bogs. According to the "Diario", the local neighbourhood association has the concession for the toilets. Perhaps they have had a look in the Alcúdia loos, as they're charging 50 centimos a go. Unreasonable? Not at all I would have said, especially if that 50 centimos go towards keeping them clean, which is what the association is arguing. However, along comes the virtuous, anti-profit brigade of the local political opposition - the Partido Popular (not a party naturally disinclined to the pursuit of moolah) - to allege that a "fraud" is being perpetrated through this charge.

Now the fact is that the charge has not been approved by the town hall; the bloke with overall responsibility for the environment admits that there is an "illegality", but has explained why the charge exists - for keeping the toilets in decent order. This all seems fair enough, but this isn't good enough for the PP who want to know if the 50 centimos - only 50 centimos don't forget - is "symbolic" or "lucrative". In which case then, why don't they enquire of the bars that make a charge to non-guests for using the toilets? The bars have long offered a public service in this respect. 50 cents for God's sake. Knickers in a twist; knickers in a twist sitting on a piece of public porcelain.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - Bon Jovi, "Wanted Dead Or Alive" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k99h5aikc4g). Today's title - a line from a current song by one of the few geniuses of popular music. A clue may be found in the recent piece about the Elvises.

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)


Index for August 2008

Airlines - 21 August 2008
All-inclusives - 2 August 2008, 7 August 2008
Bars - 4 August 2008, 6 August 2008
Basketball - 18 August 2008
Beaches - 7 August 2008, 8 August 2008
Burglary - 30 August 2008
Café del Mar - 3 August 2008
Can Picafort - 1 August 2008, 17 August 2008
Canals - 19 August 2008, 20 August 2008
Chefs - 6 August 2008
Cheques - 22 August 2008
Chill-out - 3 August 2008, 7 August 2008, 8 August 2008
China shops - 27 August 2008
Community relations - 5 August 2008
Dakota Tex-Mex - 25 August 2008
Dogs - 28 August 2008, 29 August 2008
Ducks - 17 August 2008
Electricity bills - 28 August 2008
Expatriates - 6 August 2008, 15 August 2008, 31 August 2008
Fiestas - 1 August 2008, 17 August 2008
Fireworks - 17 August 2008
Grupo Boulevard - 25 August 2008
Holidays - 14 August 2008
Hotels - 2 August 2008, 5 August 2008, 20 August 2008
Integration - 15 August 2008
Kissing - 10 August 2008
Kitesurfing - 26 August 2008, 28 August 2008
La Villa Chinese restaurant - 8 August 2008
Language - 15 August 2008
Luxury properties - 16 August 2008
Mare de Déu d'Agost 2008 - 1 August 2008, 17 August 2008
Markets - 11 August 2008, 12 August 2008, 21 August 2008
Music - 3 August 2008
Olympics - 18 August 2008
Ones, Can Picafort - 27 August 2008
Playa de Muro - 21 August 2008
Poblat GESA - 23 August 2008
Property market - 16 August 2008, 29 August 2008
Railways - 9 August 2008
Rancho Grande - 30 August 2008
Recycling - 23 August 2008
Restaurants - 4 August 2008, 8 August 2008, 25 August 2008
Roads - 25 August 2008, 26 August 2008
Rubbish - 23 August 2008, 27 August 2008
September - 27 August 2008
Spanair - 21 August 2008
Street cleaning - 28 August 2008
Summer - 12 August 2008
Toilets, public - 31 August 2008
Tourist spend - 4 August 2008
Trains - 9 August 2008
Tribute acts - 24 August 2008
Wind - 13 August 2008