The B-Word And Brits on Holiday

Brexit. Aaargh! There you are, it's been forced out of me. I took a vow under oath to never mention it. So much for vows. So much for hoping that the B-word is all a charade dreamt up by fake news. There is no B-word. The B-exit will not happen. There never was a referendum. There never was a European Union. Can Donald Trump confirm any of this? Paul Mason, he who was responsible for the excellent Panorama thing about Spanish profligacy and the economic crisis, recently described Trump as a lying fantasist. Sounds good to me. Come on, Donald, tell us that the B-word is fake after all.

In the absence of such confirmation, we have to suppose that the B-word exists and that the B-exit will come to pass. For those who have devoted so many words to dissecting and analysing the B-word, this will come as a relief. What would they have otherwise been doing for the past ... past, how long is it now?

Experts. So many experts. So many inexpert experts. Let's take one strand of expertise or inexpertise, shall we? How about tourism? The impact of the B-word on tourism, British tourism. You do know, don't you, that when the process that trigger-happy Theresa will article-ate is completed, there won't be any more British tourists. You didn't know?

This is a conclusion at the extreme wing of expertise; otherwise known as complete nonsense. The navel of post-exit British tourism has been gazed into on a regular basis, as has the same navel of pre-exit. Why should things change dramatically or have been changing? The only matter of any significance thus far has been the exchange rate. Yet even that isn't highly significant. British tourists have known poor exchange rate days in the past. They come anyway.

Iago Negueruela is the Balearic minister for employment, trade and industry. He strikes me as one of the more sensible people who govern the islands. Regarding tourism and the B-word, he has said that there will "still be tourists". Iago is a sort of expert, though not as much as his boffin economic affairs adviser, Llorenç Pou, but his simple analysis and the use of "still" cuts through the nonsense. Of course there will still be tourists, and their numbers may not substantially differ to what they are at present.

As others have observed, Mallorca is a convenient hop of a couple of hours by plane. Despite hotelier avarice and all that, despite exchange rates, holidaymakers value time as much as money. They can't wait to get on the beach, to get by the poolside, to get out the claim form for a fake bout of gastroenteritis. Someone noted the other day, apropos the so-called tourist resort bus services (so-called, because they aren't), that holidaymakers have no great desire to be taken on mystery trips of the Mallorcan countryside when they should be steaming towards Cala Millor or Alcudia. Time is holiday money. The quicker the better.

Ah, but in the post-exit universe there will be difficulties with travel. Really? Will Spain come up with an arrangement as daft as it has managed to with Russian travellers? A new contract with an Indian company that sorts out visas has reduced the number of cities in Russia to less than a handful where visas can be obtained. But why any talk of visas? They won't be required. Besides, if travel is currently so difficult to destinations outside the EU, why are all those British tourists heading to Turkey. Or were heading there before they took fright at the prospect of terrorism.

Negueruela might be slightly more alarmed by what experts are suggesting could happen with European funding. This in itself has an impact on tourism, as European funds help with certain projects. When the UK closes its Brussels account, the funds will be deprived of however many billions currently flow into the account. Regions of Spain will therefore lose out. If this is the case, then they'd better ensure they get the hurry-up with restoring Inca's theatre: it's a Euro theatre, half of it anyway and vital for future cultural tourism. Possibly.

More damaging potentially would be the impact on Palma. It's a Euro city, such are the demands made on Brussels. Will it sink into the sea when the (British) money dries up? Unlikely.  

Nevertheless, it is probably wise to have some contingency. Experts suggest that the Balearic economy could contract by as much (?) as 0.6% because of the ultimate impact of the B-word. Tourism markets therefore need to be diversified. Very sensible, but has there not been a process of diversification for some time? Ask Magalluf, for instance.

There you are then. If you want to know more, consult an expert. I promise not to mention the B-word again.

Trying It On: Compensation claims

The armies of non-working British society spend their time glued to the box, waiting for ads that will promise huge payouts for suing cigarette companies which they claim have made them stub out their fags on their faces. They do so, in between watching Jeremy Kyle and some half-wits who look as though they have stubbed fags out on their faces. Repeatedly.

Compensation culture, blame culture, money-for-old-rope culture. Holidaymakers are some of the worst when it comes to pressing, shall we call them, "ambitious" claims. Give holidaymakers enough rope and you'd think they might hang themselves, but no, they all too often get away with it. And were they to hang themselves, rest assured it would be someone else's fault.

You can well imagine that, rather than the normal pre-holiday routine of making a packing list and ensuring the passport's valid, there are those drawing up other lists - ways of seeking compensation which pays for the holiday plus some extra to cover the cost of the fags that they then stub out on their faces.

Brits will try anything on in order to extract some recompense, be it for tripping over a stone on a beach or claiming they got food poisoning in the local bar when in fact they had failed to properly defrost some chicken they had bought from a supermarket and ended up with salmonella. Or perhaps they sue the supermarket.

There are any number of absurd complaints that tourists make. Thomas Cook once produced a list. It included such gems as: "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners." Or, "we had to queue outside with no air-conditioning". There was also, famously, the chap who was awarded compensation because there were too many Germans in his hotel.

These sorts of complaint are what the local tourism industry refers to as the "sport" that Brit tourists engage in. Trying anything on. It's a whole different type of sport to the one that tourism officialdom might hope that holidaymakers would be engaging in.

There are genuine and reasonable claims for compensation; some which are genuine and reasonable enough for them to drag on for years, as with the claims against Thomson by holidaymakers who contracted cryptosporidium at Can Picafort's Son Bauló hotel in June 2003 and which were finally ruled on in January this year. But there are claims which are anything but reasonable; this is the "sport" of the holiday compensation claim.

Thomson may have dragged its heels, unreasonably so, you might think, but it, or rather TUI as a whole, has been plagued by serial compensation seekers. The group now has a black list which can be used to refuse bookings by any of its component companies. There are also websites which share information about the serial complainer.

However, the complaint coming from hoteliers in Mallorca is that tour operators tend to be all too quick to accede to compensation claims, and that the operators then claw back settlements from outstanding invoices to be paid to hoteliers. For the Mallorcan hotel, or it could be any other type of business, there is a dilemma. The judgement on the claim is not made locally but in the UK, under UK law and with the full force of aggressive ambulance-chasing firms of lawyers.

Claims can of course be challenged, but to do so would require lawyers and the defendant going to the expense of appearing in court. It is rarely worth the aggravation or the cost, even if settlements run into several thousand pounds for minor accidents. A difference between the UK and Spain is that the level of compensation in the UK is not set, which can result in high settlements, ones that are pursued vigorously by the ambulance-chasers who are not unknown to vigorously seek out potential claimants at airports and who make their services well-known via the internet and daytime TV.

There is negligence and then there are accidents and downright irresponsibility on behalf of the holidaymaker. If you are lagered up, dance on a table, fall off and break a limb, can this really be the fault of the hotel or bar? It isn't, but there will probably be a compensation-seeking lawyer in the UK who will make out that it is, and the hotel or bar will, more often than not, be left to foot the bill for a broken foot.

It's not clear how much spurious or unreasonable claims for compensation are costing Mallorca's hotels, but costing them they are. Black lists may stop some serial complainers turning up, but there are others who will take their place, looking for some pretext with which to try and extract damages that might pay for the holiday. The hoteliers might wish that the situation were different to that of the clauses which cover package holidaymakers, such as that which obtains for those who book privately in Mallorca. For them, the boot is firmly on the other foot, broken or not. Trying to get compensation from a Spanish court.


Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.