I'm A Walkie Talkie Toy

Right, what I was saying a couple of days ago about Brussels banning fire runs and the like appears to be in the form of a rule, or "norma" to give it the Spanish or Catalan word. This is not a Norma Major (ho, ho), which translates in Catalan as main rule - as I'm sure you all know - but a "norma europea de pirotecnia". I'm not sure exactly how Brussels intends to regulate, but it is safe to assume that it is going to do just that - regulate pyrotechnics, or fireworks to you and me. The directive, which is due to come into effect in 2010, is being challenged by various Mallorcan bodies which are expressing their displeasure: it would be an attack on the culture, it would harm tourism, blah, blah; all the usual stuff. As I have said before, if the Mallorcans wish to go around setting fire to themselves and their property, and indeed that of their neighbours, then they should be allowed to. Anyway, even if this so-called norma becomes the norm, chances of anyone here taking any notice of her would be slim. Local laws are generally ignored, so it is highly unlikely that Brussels would be able to impose its pyrotechnic decree. No political group on the island is going to support such a regulation for fear of being seen as anti-culture. The only other possibility is that, like they're replacing live animals with plastic ones in response to an encroaching animalist political correctness, perhaps they could have pretend fire - torches with plastic flames or in fact just torches, battery ones, that is. They could carry heaters around with them to give off the impression of warmth. The trouble is they would need some pretty long flexes, though, and I'm sure these would contravene every European directive going, so forget that.


The norm in Pollensa, when it comes to attacks on the poor old mayor, is that the "Alternative" takes to the press in order to publicise whatever it is the mayor has failed to do this week. The Alternative has, however, allowed another mob the opportunity of a spot in the media spotlight. So, rather than the United Left/Greens one-man and his dog, which is the Alternative, it is the turn of the Partido Popular and the Unió Mallorquina (UM) to have their say, which may seem slightly odd as the mayor is of course from the UM. But be that as it may. The latest rumpus is really an old rumpus, namely the shambles that is the port's public swimming-pool, the one that has been open, closed, open, closed, maybe open, will it open, was it ever open - anyway, that pool, the one that had the roof on the wrong way round.

There are, essentially, two things that one should know about Mallorcan life, apart from the fact that they can cock-up roofs on swimming-pools. One is the "denuncia"; the other is the licence. And very often the two go hand in hand. The denunica, which is usually a complaint to the police, does not have to be, as the word can mean complain without any plod involvement. So when "The Diario" says that the PP/UM group "ha denunciado", I don't think they have actually complained to the police; at least I assume they wouldn't be quite so silly as to do so even if - as is the case - there is no licence in place for "activities" at the pool and that there is also a problem with the reception, as in there doesn't appear to be any electricity - minor matter. In this particular instance, when they say there is no licence for "activities", what exactly do they mean? Is, for example, swimming an activity? I would have thought it probably was. If so, then what they mean is that there isn't a licence, period. Bit of an oversight, you might think. Anyway, according to the mayor, the pool will be opened next month; no, make that, re-opened - again. But don't hold your breath, unless you're under water, but you won't be because the pool's not open. And even if it were, chances are that they might have forgotten one important element - water.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - The Corrs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqeCuyJ458Y). Today - what has this title to do with today's piece? This is by the way of ancient television history, and it comes from the programme's song (though song is stretching the definition, it is fair to say).

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)

Long Time Passing

Think that the way of doing business in Mallorca is just like... like the real world. Quite often it is, but there are times ... Let me tell you about a restaurant, a restaurant that comes under the orbit of a company in Santa Ponsa. The restaurant is in Puerto Pollensa; first time I've dealt with them. So, I hand an invoice in at the restaurant. It was sent to Santa Ponsa, complete with all details - address, bank account number etc. Anyway, a month goes by and I ring the company. Now this is not some insignificant outfit; it has, for instance, half a dozen numbers in the Santa Ponsa listings. I speak eventually to the "office". The payment is not ready yet. Ok, fine. When do you think so? Don't know. Have to speak to the boss. Ok, but tell me, do you send the cheque by post or make a bank transfer? Er, well, could you pass by? You what? Let me get this right. You want me to make a round trip of some 130 kilometres that will take a couple of hours of my time in order to collect a cheque.

Basically, that was the size of it. She did say that they might make a transfer, but I am not that hopeful. Perhaps I should be grateful that a "simple" passing-by might actually extract the booty. And at times that's the impression you get; that one should be grateful that payment might actually be made.

Let me tell you about one of the more significant "attractions" on the island. The invoice had been left a month or so ago, so I rang and agreed that I would "pass by" (only a 20 kilometre round-trip this one) the following afternoon. When I get there, the boss is not about. Palma. There's often an urgent visit to Palma, I have discovered. There ensues a bit of a search to see if any payment might have been left. Not as such. Indeed the invoice cannot be located. Sensibly, and with the benefit of several years experience, I have brought a copy. Can I leave my number? Well I can and do, although it is of course on the invoice. Will I get a call? I very much doubt it. This particular attraction is run by some of the nicest people you can meet. Everyone is hugely friendly. It is a pretty big concern nowadays, but the boss is still the one who makes the payments. And maybe makes them by bank transfer. Or maybe by cheque for which I will need - again - to "pass by".

In many cases, bars, restaurants, shops, whatever, there is nothing unusual in passing by and having the boss pay you. You would expect this to be the case in many instances, but not in all, especially those that involve distance or a business that is slightly more than a one-man band operating out of a sweaty kitchen. Delegation of things like writing out cheques is one thing, the other is the means of their delivery. To an extent one can understand the wish for recipients to "pass by", and this stems from a reluctance to use a postal service which can be somewhat erratic. One has heard anecdotes of post going missing, especially items that might appear to include some form of monetary transaction. In the case of cheques, the strange custom here of writing out a cheque "al portador" (to the bearer) could I guess, if the cheque were to be intercepted, result in someone else pocketing the cash; in which case, make it out properly.

But mistrust of the postal service is widespread and so there is the other mechanism, that of bank transfer. Neither it nor putting the cheque in the post is exactly a taxing or troublesome operation, but it can often appear that it is just too much trouble. Could you pass by therefore. The fact though that it might even be considered that a personal visit is the preferred mode of effecting a transaction highlights the inefficiency of much business life here. All these people running around in endless acts of passing by in order to pick up a payment. You wonder how business ever gets done at times.

Note: One of the more common bits of Spanish one encounters therefore is ¿puedes pasar? Can you come or pass by?


POLLENSA'S WEIRD WORLD OF WATER
And more on matters of a watery nature down Pollensa way. And more denials from the mayor. Today's episode involves the pool in Puerto Pollensa which has been criticised for being too cold and for not being disinfected. The mayor says that heating the water is not necessary in summer and that the machinery is checked twice a day. Well, that's all good to know.


QUIZ
Yesterday's title - C+C Music Factory (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2Dtfi3VkiU). Today's title - from a famous folk song.

(PLEASE REPLY TO andrew@thealcudiaguide.com AND NOT VIA THE COMMENTS THINGY HERE.)