Merry Christmas 2017

So, a very merry Christmas to all of you who come here regularly, to those of you who come less frequently, and to others who just stumble across this blog. Twelve years it has been going, and it has been ten years since it went daily, which it has been except for the occasional break, both planned and unplanned. I sometimes wonder if I hold some sort of record.

Not wishing to have my own Christmas message, which would be somewhat presumptuous and indeed preposterous, just a note about King Felipe's. His tone regarding Catalonia moderated yesterday evening; he had been forceful in October in condemning the independence drive. While he referred yesterday to the need to adapt to changing times, he obviously wasn't advocating secession, but there was a hint of recognition that there has to be some move towards a satisfactory accord. Whether there can be will be up to the politicians, and news that there could be further arrests in Catalonia makes one fear that the situation will just be made worse.

Regardless of constitutional and legal matters, putting politicians (and potentially the former head of the Mossos) in jail solves nothing and merely inflames. Felipe was alluding to a maturity in approach. Sticking people in jail is not mature; it is a manifestation of failure - by those on both sides of the argument. And the swiftness with which "justice" has been dispensed raises awkward questions. The comparison with the otherwise slow-moving nature of the legal system - e.g. Urdangarin still awaiting the outcome of his appeal - has been striking.

A Christmas wish would therefore be to resolve Catalonia. But can it be resolved, once and for all? I very much doubt it.

When The King Met Balti

Do you suppose that when the King's packing for his summer hols he thinks to himself who on Earth are the Mallorcans going to drag out for me this time? One guesses that he doesn't need to as he is already well aware. The Royal Household presumably has a sort of regional politician ProZone software analysis replete with video footage to put on DVD for his Majesty. The King will know in advance how to play the Mallorcan politicos.

He's getting used to it. Francina and her ilk are a piece of cake, as they conform to the norm for the smiling photo opportunities. Others are less so. Previously the King was confronted with Xe-Lo. Why doesn't His Majesty, rather than splash out for the Almudaina thrash, spend it all on soup kitchens for the downtrodden citizens of Palma, she inquired of him. The question hadn't, though, prevented Xe-Lo attending the thrash and eating all the pies.

Balti is another thing altogether. How often does the Royal Household arrange audiences for the King and haul in the bass guitarist from a heavy rock band? Not too often, one would think. What do they talk about? Does Balti offer tips on Converse footwear? Might the King (and Queen) think about kitting out the nippers with such informal feet furniture? We'll find out tomorrow when the family does its annual photo pose in the Marivent Gardens (appropriately closed to the general public). If it's anything like last year, Balti will be disappointed. The royal 2016 collection was like a Marks and Sparks summer pastels range with a slight nautical theme for him and her and the kids. There was certainly no sign of any Converse.

The King, you may not know, does Facebook, though one suspects that someone does it for him. If he really did it, one might expect one of those hilarious (sic) interventions on statuses which goes - That awkward moment when you ... (add as applicable). In the King's case, it would be - That awkward moment when you are presented with an extreme Republican with hair down his back and a pair of Converse sneakers. To which, if it were really him and his friends, Tizzy might reply - "You ok, hun?"

In fact, the King might want to have a word with whoever at the Royal Household does his Facebook page. There are four snaps of him with the happy politicos. And they are all obviously happy. Francina is positively radiant and beaming. Balti is clearly delighted. Mick of the Council is pleased enough with himself, while Noggin of Palma town hall bears the contented look of someone who has just been made mayor (which he has). The King on the other hand ... .

But if one looks carefully at the King's status with these photos, one finds in the accompanying texts that Francina, Mick and Noggin are, respectively, D.ª Francina Armengol i Socías, D. Miquel Ensenyat Riutort and D. Antoni Noguera Ortega. They are therefore either Dona or Don. But with Balti it's just Baltasar Picornell i Lladó. No Don for Balti. Perhaps he had requested there shouldn't be. Either way, we should be told.

* The King on Facebook: https://es-es.facebook.com/FelipeReyfelip/

In A Tiz: Royal texts

Protocol demands that the president (speaker) of Congress has to visit the King personally to inform him of the result of proceedings to select a new prime minister (president). Patxi López, said speaker, duly went to see His Maj, who was doubtless already well aware of the shambles that had taken place the previous week. In fact, one imagines that the King was watching on the telly and thinking "what the fuck" like everyone else was. The meeting with Patxi revealed the extent to which the King towers above Spain's politicians: the top of Patxi's head barely corresponded with Felipe's shoulders. He is not the only one to be dwarfed. And it isn't only in stature. It might require some Constitutional jiggery-pokery, but the King should be nominated as prime minister (president). The man is vastly superior to the shower in parliament. Head and shoulders above the rest.

Felipe had the common good sense to put off for the time being any further discussions with the warring tribes of the Cortes. What was the point? Very little. Until they - whichever ones they might be - can cobble together the constituent parts of the pantomime horse that might pass as a government pact, why waste time on them?

Meanwhile the Royals, with half an eye on the Trial of the Millennium and the extent to which witnesses might have been attempting to put the boot further into the King's in-law, had a spot of their own bother. A leaked text message sent by Tizzy to some businessman who was in the mire for having availed himself of approximately 35,000 euros not entirely legally was splashed all over the media - conventional and social. It was a message that was being compared to Mariano's famous SMS to Luis Barcenas, when the one-time PP treasurer was right up to his neck in allegations surrounding the PP's alleged B accounts (black, in other words). Mazza had told Luis to stay strong (Mazza has since sought to place an ocean between himself and Luis). Tizzy told this businessman fellow that we (i.e. Felipe as well) know you and respect you and that the rest was all, err, brown stuff. She signed off by offering a kiss and referring to "yogui". Social media then proceeded to Photoshop snaps of the Royals with Yogi Bear.

Back in parliament, though, the cartoon continued ...

During the investiture debates of the previous week, The Hairy One had given the bloke who's Top Cat in En Comú Podem (the Barcelona Podemos faction) a smacker full on the lips. Such brotherly love was, however, less in evidence during the week. There was, we learned, some tension between Pablo and the Infant Íñigo Errejón, who was seemingly playing Jerry to The Hairy One's Tom, harrying him and wishing to reduce Pablo's power. Was this the first emerging sign of a split in Podemos ranks of a Stalin-Trotsky nature? Well actually, it was. Pablo responded to reports of the internal fighting by saying that he had sent the Infant and the baby-feeding Carolina Bescansa to Siberia in order to re-educate these dissidents. It was of course a joke. There is no Siberia in Spain. But we shall all be watching the space with interest. There is little finer than observing scraps between left-wing ideologues.

As it was International Women's Day on Tuesday, Pablo was out and about demonstrating his feminist credentials, while the ranks of the Podemistas (those who hadn't stopped talking to each other) were using the day to propose a change of name to Congress. This was a sort of out-in-sympathy with the lot in Palma who have insisted on eliminating the "de Mallorca" suffix. The Congress ones were proposing that Congress should no longer be officially known as "Congreso de los diputados" (note the male usage). Town halls aren't "ayuntamientos de los concejales", for instance, they argued. The "diputados" (deputies) bit excludes women. A change would be a small step towards the eradication of violence against women, suggested Podemista, Rosana Pastor.

The PP's deputy president (deputy speaker) of Congress, Celia Villalobos (she was the one who had made the lice observation about the Tenerife Podemista Natty Dreadlock In A Babylon), said that it was all "nonsense". The rest of the country wondered if they didn't have better things to do with their time.

The Obamas And The Tourist Tax

The Queen, Letizia that is, has apparently invited the Obamas to Mallorca. Were they to come, it wouldn't be the first time that Mallorca has experienced some Obamaisation. Michelle and the younger of the Obama girls, Sasha, were here in 2010. But now it would appear that, during the royals visit to Washington, Tizzy suggested that the whole Obama clan drops in at the Marivent for a spot of summer vacationing. Which will be nice for them and pretty damn good PR for Mallorca as well, if it comes off.

There is, however, one key question that would arise from this. Would the Obamas pay the tourist tax? Indeed, what will happen, assuming Biel has had his way and the tax is up and running in time for next season, when the royals pitch up?

Biel Barceló, or BB as we should now refer to him with due recognition of his Bardot-esque status as Mallorca's "homme fatale", needs to get his holiday accommodation regulations sorted out sharpish. Where do royal palaces fit in with this scheme of things, especially ones that Mallorca shells out some million or so euros per annum for its caretaker and the blokes who change the light bulbs and cut the grass? The King, decent cove that he is, wouldn't flinch at handing over some folding euro notes as tourist tax payment, but who's going to demand it of him? Or of the Obamas?

My own suggestion would be that the Speaker of parliament, Xelo Huertas, is pressed into service as tax collector. As she suggested to His Royal Highness that the wonga forked out for the recent reception at the Almudaina would have been better spent on soup kitchens, then the task should be hers and be in the full glare of the media: the royals stumping up the tax and Xelo then shooting off and thrusting it into the hands of some Syrian refugees in their Arenal hostel. But Xelo, people would say, this isn't what the tax is intended for. It isn't?, she would query, but rightly point out that BB and La Presidenta have alluded to the "solidarity" nature of the tax. Tourists showing solidarity with Mallorca, in whatever way, and joyfully forking out the equivalent of an evening's drinking (or more than one evening in all likelihood) in rescuing the island and the islanders from the penury forced onto them by the evil Mariano and Count of the Mount of Gold.

To all those making bids for their cut from the tax we now have to add Mallorca's small farmers - small as in size of holdings as opposed to stature. As tourists take selfies of themselves in front of almond trees or peasants packing straw, then they are worthy recipients of the tax as well. And quite right, too. Indeed, the more applicants to benefit from the tax the better, and in the spirit of the new age of politics, might I suggest that Podemos organise a text-voting system to figure out where the revenues should go? Participation is the word of the moment, and it should involve all the taxpayers - resident and tourist alike - given that residents are now also classed as tourists.

Among those bidding for some tax money would be myself, my justification being that, erm, well I don't have one, but as every other bugger wants a cut, then why not? With a massive social media campaign, I'd storm to tax victory and then willingly share the booty in demonstrating solidarity with the bodegas of Mallorca.

Our Ladies Of Wecan

All is not well in the Reform Church of Iglesias. The faithful have started to desert the pews of Saint Pablo and Our Lady of Wecan, seemingly alarmed at the thought that Wecan might weaken Spain by converting it into the Greek Unorthodox Church of Syriza. Had this thought not occurred to them before? Or is it the case that the faithful are only now rumbling Podemos? The easy part was grabbing hold of some power at the ballot box. The less easy part was always going to be convincing the faithful (and others) that, once handed this power, they aren't just a bunch of hairies from the students' union locked in mortal combat with each other in dissecting their own version of Dialectical Materialism rather than being taken seriously.

In former times, English slang gave us the "nit". In strictly linguistic terms, nit means nothing. The nit of slang was someone who was foolish, who did not do sensible things, who had nothing to offer except nittishness and being a nitwit. It would be harsh indeed to suggest that Podemos (We Can) have nothing to offer, because they have plenty, and some of it is sensible. However, they are doing their best to appear to be nits, a bunch of Charlies, some right Herberts, or even left Herberts.

Laura Camargo, considered by some to be the real power behind the Wecan throne in the Balearics of Dave Spart Jarabo, confronted the lovely, indeed immaculate Inmaculada de Benito of the Mallorcan hoteliers federation and launched into a tirade of fraud, worker abuses, exploitation, blah, blah. Laura might have a point, but it became lost in the vitriol. Why did she do it? Probably for public consumption. Wecan were wanting to show the Mallorcan public that they can stand up to the hoteliers, that the hoteliers' days in the sun of power are no more. Unfortunately, and despite a large number of Mallorcans concurring with the view that the hoteliers do have too much power, there is a far greater number who rely on the hoteliers and related businesses. Laura really should learn that she isn't in the students' union and that in the real world one adopts a less strident manner.

Our Lady Laura of Wecan was but one who was indulging in delivering sermons from the pulpit of Saint Pablo. There was also Our Lady Xelo. She informed his Royal Highness that, rather than splash the cash on the thrash at the Almudaina when various politicos and others are invited for some gin 'n' tonics, the moolah should go towards soup kitchens. On balance, one would have to agree with Xelo that this might be, in still-crisis times for many, a preferable deployment of financial resources, and the King, thoroughly admirable man that he is, might even be inclined to agree as well. However, protocol and all that does rather intrude into such affairs. Whether Xelo will ask for a doggy bag for her canapes and cut along with it to the nearest crisis centre after the reception, we will find out.

Don't Go Near The Balearics Stand

Who would be King Felipe and Queen Letizia when you innocently get caught up in a political spat? Following the gathering of the great and good at the Fitur travel/tourism fair in Madrid, the media enjoy offering various Fitur perspectives - expectations for the coming season as revealed at the fair, general tendencies in the tourism industry, this type of thing. And there are also perspectives on who did what or who didn't do what, which is where the royals come in. Felipe and Letizia, regular holidaymakers in Mallorca, didn't drop by the Balearics stand at Fitur. This had never happened before: the Balearics pavilion is always graced with the presence of royalty. Cue, talk of some type of conspiracy.

As it turns out, there was another stand which the royals didn't go to, that for the Canary Islands. Two and two have been put together and the sum of four is that the royals had received orders from the ministry for industry, energy and tourism, José Manuel Soria, for them to not go to either of the stands. Orders!? A minister ordering the royals? Far-fetched though this might seem, a breaking with royal tradition had to be explained somehow. Hence, the Soria theory. And why would he be issuing "orders" to the royals? Because he wanted to punish both the Balearics and the Canaries owing to their opposition to oil prospecting. Remember that Soria does head a vast ministry with occasionally competing interests, such as oil and energy on the one hand and tourism where the waters are crystal clear and the horizons should never be sullied with the sights of oil platforms on the other.

In the Balearic parliament they were engaging in their own post-Fitur debrief (aka slanging match). Spokespeople from Més were convinced that there was no other explanation for the royals' apparent snub of the Balearics stand than the lousy relations between President Bauzá and Soria (indeed it had been reported that Bauzá was "furious" about the alleged veto of the Balearics stand). Clashes over oil prospecting aside, it was being suggested a year or so ago that Bauzá was after Soria's job, and they have studiously managed to avoid being photographed together ever since or even having to meet, as was the case at the large Berlin travel fair in March last year. Both managed to succumb at the same time to a dose of the flu which prevented their travelling.

Does it really matter if the royals give the stand a miss once in a while? Does it even mean a great deal for them to go to the stand? It probably does matter, especially for Balearics' promotion to the domestic tourist market, which is more likely to see photographic evidence of the visit than the international one. These little things might seem just that - little - but they do all add up. Moreover, it needs stressing that the Balearics and the Canaries combine with Catalonia in contributing 60% of all Spain's tourism. This is something which is deserving of royal acknowledgement and should indeed be deserving of political praise, but at present there is a tourism minister, Soria, who has fallen out with the Balearics and with his home islands of the Canaries, while there is a region - Catalonia - about which we are fully aware of governmental tensions. It isn't a terribly healthy state of tourism affairs.

Given that soundings off the Canaries, if not the Balearics as yet, have led Repsol to decide to discontinue exploration - the oil and gas is of insufficient quality to warrant actual drilling - it seems churlish that Soria might still harbour a grudge against the Canaries, one strong enough to issue instructions to the King as regards which stands he should visit or shouldn't. But then, who knows how far petty political vendettas might extend? Certainly not as far as the Canaries' largest hotel chain, Lopesan, which did receive the royals at its stand. And it was the large hotel chains in Mallorca to which Més also turned its parliamentary attention. These large groups dictate government policy on tourism, it was claimed, and so there needs to be a new "tourism model" for the islands. It is hard to disagree with the claim regarding hotelier power, but as for a new model of tourism, was this Més seeking to claim bragging rights on a change in direction after the next election?

They are lining up on the left of centre to be the initiators of such a change, whatever this might be. Should the large hoteliers be concerned? Not really, given the amount they invest in other parts of the globe. By Fitur 2016, will any change have been effected? Doubtful. But by 2017, you never know, Podemos might have scrapped the monarchy. Then no one could argue about which stands are being visited or not.

Felipe And The Sister Thing

It is Christmas Eve 2015. The Spanish nation turns its attention from stuffing the turkey with truffles and from popping the cava. It's the most anticipated television event of the year. What is he going to say? The he is King Felipe, though one might not totally dismiss the possibility that the he will by next year be the grandeur-delusional "pequeño Nicolás". Assuming that the little twerp hasn't ascended to the throne and that Felipe is delivering the annual Christmas message, he has to deal with the sister thing. The anticipation is therefore immense.

Felipe's message this Christmas Eve made no direct reference to Cristina, but it was a message notable for its absence of preliminary warm-up of the small-talking variety. It went straight in on corruption. The number one theme. It was a bold and strong message. "We need a profound regeneration of our collective life. And in so doing, the fight against corruption is an essential objective."

The message needed to be strong. Part of the job description that came with the succession was to be able to handle the sister thing. The old king, sadly discredited, could no longer credibly contend with the daughter thing. Awkward and embarrassing it must be for Felipe, but the nation comes first. He knows that, even if he didn't explicitly place nation above immediate family.

But what might the message next year contain? By then Cristina should know her fate, though there are surely several twists to follow the decision of Judge Castro to put her on trial. The judge, in delivering his "auto" - his judicial declaration - ruled out appeal and the application of the so-called Botín doctrine. He may yet find himself challenged on both counts. Botín, named after Emilio Botín, the former president of Santander Bank who died in September, refers to a case brought against Botín that was ruled inadmissible by the Supreme Court because the prosecution was led not by a state prosecutor but by a private, unaggrieved third party. As Pedro Horrach, the state anti-corruption prosecutor, has said that he believes Cristina does not have a case to answer, the prosecution lies essentially with a third party, namely the right-wing "union" Manos Limpias, an organisation which constantly seeks to fight corruption but which, as implied by alleged links to Francoism, is no friend of the royal family.

In a different case, however, the Supreme Court has ruled that an unaggrieved third party can be the sole accuser. The Atutxa doctrine refers to the case brought against the former president of the Basque Country, Juan María Atutxa, alleged to have had links to ETA. Despite this apparent contradiction, might the Cristina prosecution be bumped up to the Supreme Court? Castro would say no, and in delivering his "auto" he laid down a gauntlet. For there to now be a challenge citing Botín or for there to be any attempt to accuse Castro of having exceeded his powers (which was what happened to the celebrated investigating judge Baltasar Garzón) would be highly dangerous for Spain's reputation and indeed for Spain's society with its "serious social concern", as noted by Felipe.

Who knows what twists there might yet be and so what type of message Felipe has to deliver on Christmas Eve 2015. And who knows what Cristina might do next. Were she and Iñaki discussing divorce during the family Christmas in Switzerland? Was she giving serious consideration to renouncing her right of succession? (As sixth in line her chances of ascending to the crown would be as unlikely and as implausible as the current sixth in line to the British monarchy, Princess Beatrice of York.) Did she watch her brother's message? What did she think? It could not have been a happy Christmas in the Urdangarin household.

One Remarkable Week In Spain

Goodness, what a week this has been. History has been made. Scarcely believable things have happened. There have been new dawns, new orders but seemingly no orders for new curtains. Yes, it has been a truly remarkable week. Joana Camps sat down and spoke with the unions.

Not that the unions were overly impressed. It was all just a photo opportunity for the education minister, they reckoned. But what an opportunity. One for Joana to display THAT hairstyle. All she needs are some bushy sideburns to complete her retro Noddy Holder circa 1974 look. "Ma-Mama weer all crazee now," she probably didn't inform the unions, but had she, for once her linguistic cock-up would have been justified and indeed accurate.

The meeting with the unions was, naturally enough, seen as something of a victory for the hunger-striking teacher, who finally succumbed to the temptation of someone wafting vegetable soup under his nose. And thus, the Great Conflict edged towards becoming the Less Than Great Conflict. Or, because the school holidays are now upon us and no one will be paying any attention to the Conflict for the next three months, they may as well sit down and do what they should have been doing. Talking. In whichever language they prefer. And just as an aside, I have a question. The hunger-striking teacher. Was he being paid? Or how does that all work exactly?

Less earth-shattering have been events in Brazil, where Spain's world domination was brought rudely and suddenly to an end. A nation was plunged into mourning and despair. It must have been like this when Cuba was lost in 1898. And there was also the highly un-Spanish lack of leaving everything to a mañana of many weeks or months in the form of the rapidity with which a new king was ushered in. The big question on the nation's lips was - where would Felipe, Letizia and the nippers be living now? "Zeleb", the celebrity website, had the answer. They'll be staying put at at their modest, five-bedroomed, four-million-euros-worth Pabellón del Principe, so there would be no need for Letizia to get herself down the local IKEA and order new curtains for the Zarzuela.

Speculation was rife as to what Felipe's sudden promotion would all mean. One consequence could be an end to the Catalonian conflict. Spain's kings might traditionally not have spoken Catalan (for fairly obvious reasons), but the new man does. His Joana Camps trilingualism (he's fluent in English) was taken as the chance for him to somehow broker a deal between Mariano Rajoy and Catalonia's Artur Mas, though quite why the fact that he can speak Catalan should mean a resolution of the independence issue was lost on some - me, at any rate. But were it to mean a resolution, then this would truly and eventually cap what has indeed been a very remarkable week in Spain.